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~Embers:iconEmbers:

Rejoice you're not me.  

  • Status: Member
  • Shadow Deviant
  • Female/Finland
  • Invisible
  • Deviant since Apr 28, 2004, 11:35 AM
  • 118 Deviations
  • 53 Scraps [browse]
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Insignificant.

Journal Entry: Wed Apr 30, 2008, 7:07 AM
  • Mood: Anguish
  • Listening to: People Are Strange | Echo & The Bunnymen
  • Reading: LotR: The Two Towers
I've reached some kind of low point. Again. There have gone a bit too many things wrong recently and when those not so great weeks passed and everything is pretty much back to normal nothingness, I started to feel very insignificant. When there's nothing special to worry about or anyone telling you to take care of this and that etc I suddenly don't seem to have any other purpose except quietly existing.

I'm not wishing those worries to come back or saying that I'm bored. I just kind of had to forget for a couple of weeks everything that I wanted to do and concentrate on what I needed to do to help others... and now that I'd actually have a bit time for myself I feel there is no way to spend it so that it would matter. I lost track of what I was drawing a couple of weeks ago and it seems impossible to pick up any of those papers now. Whatever I was doing or planning to do simply seem insignificant now. And so do most of the things I've done earlier as well.

I don't know. Probably I'm just thinking too much. It's a dark place to end up thinking that nothing you do never really matter and that there's always someone who can do better everything you do. Makes you wonder why bother... Why would I draw this or that when I cannot make it as good as it deserves to be? I have this annoyingly depressing feeling haunting me... that everyone, anyone could make a better version of whatever I do.

* s i g h * Oh well, that's just a part of what's bothering me but the other things are always the same and never going to change and there's no use talking about it all. I just hate what I've become. It's a curse to have extremely low self-esteem and to only know people who deliberately or by accident make it lower and lower (if that's even possible anymore)...

So, please, forgive me the absence. Even if I were here I'm too absent-minded to do anything rational. I still do read every comment but I cannot seem to get myself around to replying because I'd end up saying something depressing. As for my watch list, there are like 500 pieces I'd like to have a look at but it just seems too much and I find myself procrastinating. I hope I'll get through them some day.




:lonely: ... :invisible:



12 Comments | Previous Journal Entries

Devious Information

  • MSN
    ask... maybe I'll tell you
  • Current Age: 24
  • Favourite movie: PotO. PotC. LotR. Pride & Prejudice. Gilbert Grape. Benny & Joon. ... etc
  • Favourite band or musician: Nightwish. Enya.
  • Favourite artist: Tuomas Holopainen. Viggo Mortensen. Johnny Depp.
  • Personal Quote: Artificial intelligence cannot compete with natural born stupidity.

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Devious Comments

*Fereshteh:iconFereshteh: May 10, 2008, 11:06:54 AM
I featured you in my latest journal, hope you don't mind. [link]

:)

--
"I am neither angel, nor genius, nor phantom..."
Hidden By Owner
~OctoberAzriel:iconOctoberAzriel: May 6, 2008, 4:59:45 PMComment hidden by Owner
This comment is hidden and not visible to general public.
~StringGirlUriko:iconStringGirlUriko: May 6, 2008, 4:47:49 AM
Don't mind if I :+devwatch: you ? I like your gallery !

--
Je préfère mourir pour une cause, plutôt que vivre pour rien.
(John Rambo, philosophe de l'année)
=Ahuvah:iconAhuvah: Apr 30, 2008, 10:45:01 AM
:cuddle: I like your new icon Embers

--
If you’re not following your heart, you are living someone else’s dream. - Lyn Christian
| =Ahuvah | :heart: | Gallery |
~pipoka23:iconpipoka23: Apr 25, 2008, 11:40:45 AM
nightwish rules man! ^^

--
*****ELEMIAH*****

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb."
"What a stupid lamb"
"What a sick masochistic lion"

:iconjohnnydepp: Johnny Depp fanclub! :love:
~blitzenius:iconblitzenius: Apr 25, 2008, 2:12:35 AM
your works,.... they're amazing!

--
easy stand for difficulty level when you play Street Fighter 2, year 1993.

'easy', 'normal', 'hard'.
~XxfreaKyAllyxX:iconXxfreaKyAllyxX: Apr 23, 2008, 12:18:33 PM Mood: Wow!
hey ^^

no problem.its awesome :)

--
You just look and say:Why? But I dream and say: Why not?...
Hidden By Owner
~BYSRSCKI:iconBYSRSCKI: Apr 17, 2008, 2:24:01 PMComment hidden by Owner
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~OctoberAzriel:iconOctoberAzriel: Apr 14, 2008, 1:30:21 PMComment hidden by Owner
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~Ysandra:iconYsandra: Apr 13, 2008, 11:38:52 AM
oh no problem :D the pleasure is mine :D

--
I'm afraid. I'm so afraid.
Being raped again, and again, and again
I know I will die alone.
But loved.


Sorry For my English :w00t: :typerhappy:
~Kyuubi-bi:iconKyuubi-bi: Apr 10, 2008, 2:58:18 PM
That Aragorn was astounding
You're an incredible artist

--
~~I believe in Jesus Christ as my Savior. If you do too and aren't scared to admit it, then copy and paste this in your signature.
~Heather696:iconHeather696: Apr 9, 2008, 1:26:13 AM
my pleasure :))

--
tides in my blood follow the pale moon
drawing my soul to the skies
~elfbabe:iconelfbabe: Apr 8, 2008, 4:24:54 PM Mood: Affection
Wow thank you! I feel honoured! You also like Lord of the Rings! That deserves super glomp!

--
~~ Red Sun rising, drown without inhaling, within the dark holds hard~~
~~ S.O.P.H.I.E- Stamp. Out. Prejudice. Hatred (and) Intolerance. Everywhere~~

~~~~ TUOMAS SECRETLY LOVING KITKATS!!!!!~~~~
~mlisimpson:iconmlisimpson: Apr 7, 2008, 11:07:31 AM
no problem:) its amazing!
~SparklingAngelWT:iconSparklingAngelWT: Apr 3, 2008, 7:34:10 AM Mood: Optimism
I think your Aragorn is brill, keep up the good work x

--
98% of Deviants don't know the difference between "your" and "you're." If you're one of the 2% that wants to punch 'em, put this in your sig.
~MyMizukara:iconMyMizukara: Apr 1, 2008, 4:08:08 PM
great gallery!
watch you!! ;)

--
Without music life would be a mistake. (Friedrich Nietzsche)
~Matoja:iconMatoja: Apr 1, 2008, 8:56:13 AM
Is not what! you draw the drawings? drawn very good ones!
~blackimages:iconblackimages: Mar 31, 2008, 9:59:25 AM
haha thanks for the welcoming! and your welcome, you have an amazing gift for drawing!
~PureHeaven:iconPureHeaven: Mar 14, 2008, 3:30:15 AM
I love all your work!
Your artwork is really amazing. :faint:
I want to fav all your work.
Really BEAUTIFUL !
*SULTRYBABY:iconSULTRYBABY: Mar 12, 2008, 1:45:57 PM
Such a nice :gallery: you have, :+devwatch: to see more of your work in the future.

--
Look Here For A Cute Fix
=aternity:iconaternity: Mar 9, 2008, 2:38:04 PM
    Hello random deviant!!! :wave:
    Nice gallery you have there! ^_^

    Nomi


--
There is absolutely no mistake in art—only details to improve on!

Proud member of...
*Ex-po-zure ~Sky-Club & ~DorkTopia
~DoctorWhoGirl:iconDoctorWhoGirl: Mar 6, 2008, 9:36:16 AM
You're welcome!
:)

--
I Make Random Doctor Who Quotes To See If Anyone Gets Them......They Never Do!!! :rose: :heart:
Even The Word Doctor Is False, Your Real Name Is Hidden, It Burns In The Stars, In The Cascade Of Medusa Herself...You Are A Lord Sir... A Lord.....Of Time!
~NoirRomance:iconNoirRomance: Mar 4, 2008, 1:53:13 PM Mood: Love
Your drawing abilities are amazing <3


I really love your style <3

--
for the love dogs

Hugo ish luff and the french hoe is my connection
=BlackDragonsChasm:iconBlackDragonsChasm: Mar 2, 2008, 2:48:49 PM
HIYA random deviant! X3 :wave:
Your pictures pwn! :+devwatch:

--
Me dragon, you Jane!

Addin er at the end of everything wont work, I'm an artist, not drawer, I draw, but I am not a convenient box that holds clothes...

I lose my iPod when it's connected to me
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